


Hot and warm

by Totally_Legit



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, Canon Compliant, In depths fucking, M/M, PWP, Shameless Smut, Sharing a bed because that's what 2jae is all about, Smut, Worshipping Youngjae, pure filth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-08-19 07:44:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16530368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totally_Legit/pseuds/Totally_Legit
Summary: He's certain he won't be able to see Youngjae the same way again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure PWP  
> I planned it as a really quick 3k words smutty OS, but of course my typing fingers had other plans.  
> It should have been a One-Shot. And I planned to post it as one, like a nice person, BUT  
> because I know that if I decide to post this once it's completely done, I will never finish it, hence it'll never be posted at all, BECAUSE  
> I need the extra pressure of an unfinished story in my account, so it will be posted in three parts (that fit the pacing). THEREFORE.
> 
> Pressure me, please.

If he could just be more  _quiet_ .  
Jaebum rolls around on his bed, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles and groaning in frustration. He pulls a pillow over his head, attempting to muffle the sounds coming from the bathroom. To no avail. He can still hear the rough panting and small grunts through the night.

He’s not sure. Whether Youngjae doesn’t know how loud he’s being… or whether he underestimates just  _how thin_ the walls really are. Jaebum isn’t used to this and he does not like it! His cute little Youngjae. His pure, adorable boy. Youngjae wouldn’t do this back then. He used to be all innocent. He was a child then. Now…

Jaebum presses his palms to his ears. He doesn’t want to hear. He doesn’t want to have to think about it. About how Youngjae is in the bathroom jerking off. How his fist is curled around his hard length. How his pants are pooled at his ankles. How he steadies his shaking body against the tiles. How his face is flushed and his wet lips are parted, how his eyes are hooded in pleasure.

No no no . It’s gross. It’s fucking disgusting. Who wants to listen to their little brother jack off?? He’s not sure he can see Youngjae the same way anymore after this. He’s not sure he can look at him at all. He never wanted to know about any of this. He wanted to live with the delusion that Youngjae, sweet, pure Youngjae is not like other people. Not like other  _men_ . He’s not a man. He’s a baby.

  


Jaebum pressed the balls of his hands so hard against his ears, he didn’t hear Youngjae finish. (Thank god.) And he also didn’t hear him come back into the room. He’s suddenly standing in front of the bed with a frown. “Hyung, what are you doing?” He asks suspicious, when Jaebum finally takes his hands away. He just shrugs, unable to form words.

Youngjae put on fresh sleepwear, but his face his mildly flushed. Not enough to be noticeable, unless you’re specifically searching for it, which, of course, Jaebum is. A few, very thin strands of hair look damp the way they cling to his face. Jaebum wants to cry. Youngjae licks his lips and slips beneath the covers with a shrug in return. He turns off his bedside lamp, but Jaebum leaves his own on. He doesn’t like to sleep in complete darkness.

While he turns on his side, snuggling into the covers and closing his eyes, Youngjae leans up against the headboard and starts scrolling through his phone. Whenever the two of them share a hotel room, Jaebum makes sure to snatch a one-bed one. He loved sharing a room with Youngjae back in the day, when they all lived in the dorm and he isn’t ashamed to say that.

Jaebum always sleeps better with another person by his side, but most of the members refuse to sleep in his arms, except Jackson, but Jackson is extraordinarily clingy and he has the metabolism of a Werewolf. He’s always so disgustingly fucking hot.

Youngjae though. Youngjae is warm and soft. So so so so soft and comfortable and even though he voices gentle complains, he never really refused to share a bed with Jaebum. And Jaebum loves holding him. He regrets and misses Youngjae sometimes at night when sleep won’t come and that’s why he uses hotel-nights to recharge.

But… what is he supposed to do now? He can’t. He can’t hug Youngjae now, when he just… No. Jaebum hides in the pillow and wills for the merciful release of sleep. It won’t come.

Jaebum clenches his eyes shut, tries to breath evenly, but he’s restless. His skin is itchy, he scratches it here and there. His scalp tingles. There’s a humming in his ears and the mattress is uncomfortable. He rolls around, this way and that way, throws his body left and right on the mattress until Youngjae groans loudly.

He leans over Jaebum’s body, reaching out and in doing so his whole front presses to the side of Jaebum. Warm and soft. He reaches for the light and turns it off. “Sleep, Hyung.” He murmurs and lies down on his back, tugging at Jaebum’s opposite arm to pull him on top of himself. Jaebum’s body is jelly and that’s how he ends up with his arm and leg wrapped tightly over Youngjae, just like he’s used to. Just like they’ve always slept.

It’s easing for his stressed mind, he finds comfort in the known. And yet…  
Youngjae is not really that soft. The thighs under his own are thick, the muscular chest his arm his placed over rises and falls and Jaebum can feel the strength in it. Not his cute little baby boy…

  


Jaebum shivers. He just wants to feel like he did, but… “Hyung.” Youngjae says after a bit of shifting and shaking. Jaebum presses his face into the crook of his neck, pulls closer in, holds him tightly and shakes his head against his skin. He doesn’t want to tell Youngjae what’s got him so confused. He breathes deeply, inhaling Youngjae’s scent and wills his muscles to relax.

  


He thinks he might’ve fallen asleep, even if not for long. He’s hot and uncomfortable when he wakes and he thinks he had a bad dream. He’s not sure what stirred him awake, but then he notices how Youngjae is twisting and moving in his grip and after a moment he realizes that he’s trying to get away. Jaebum strengthens his grip. No matter how hot he feels, somehow he can’t bear the thought of having to let go of Youngjae. He hears a faint, but obviously desperate whimper and it startles him. “Youngjae-ah…” He murmurs without thinking and finds his mouth at the back of Youngjae’s neck, the soft hairs tickling his nose.

Youngjae’s struggles stop dead. “H…h…hyung?” He whispers in terror. Jaebum doesn’t know what’s wrong right away until… Oh.

“I’m hard.” He realizes verbally and Youngjae whines.”Shhhht.” He makes and his struggling begins at new. “Let me go.” He demands. “And go to the bathroom or something…”

  


Memories flood back into his hazy brain and they get mixed up with what might be imagination, but everything’s so blurred he can’t tell. Youngjae’s moans when he got off in that very bathroom. How he must’ve looked. His slender fingers wrapped around his erection. Jaebum’s hips buck and he groans lowly, drowned out by the terrified sound that Youngjae makes over the movement.

His thigh is so hot and plush when he presses into it, it feels like heaven. His hips move again, without his conscious decision and it feels so so good. He does it again and he moans and Youngjae’s struggles only increases the friction. “Youngjae…” He growls lowly and keeps rutting against him, shamelessly dazed and heated.

“Hyung, you’re…” Youngjae breaks off, his voice tiny and unsteady. “No you!” He gives back, mouth still pressed against the skin of his neck and he wraps himself entirely around Youngjae’s body as well as he can manage, arms and legs. His thigh comes up over Youngjae’s and as he pulls him closer, Youngjae leaves out a loud, filthy moan when he brushes it over his crotch.

“You’re hard, too…” He notices verbally, mumbling like a crazy man. “Even though you jerked off in the bathroom you filthy little thing.” Sleep clears from Jaebum’s head slowly, but it’s replaced with something else. Something deeper and darker and primeval. Jaebum tenses his thigh, pulls it up until it presses against Youngjae’s erection firmly and he moans again. “Hyung, please…” He whimpers and his fingers pull desperately at his arms and legs.

Normally Youngjae could probably take him out in a single punch, but there’s no strength in his grasp, nails scratching over his skin fruitlessly while the sounds spilling from his lips sound more and more sinful in Jaebum’s ears. He doesn’t know what got him here, he doesn’t know what snapped in his head when he heard Youngjae stroke himself to orgasm behind the closed door.

But he doesn’t think he can go back. “Do I make you horny, Youngjae-ah?” He asks, hips rutting relentless. He’s wild, carnal. He’s driven by desire burning deep in his guts even though he doesn’t know where it comes from. “So shameless of you.” He grumbles, “Moaning so lewd and desperate just next door…” His lips graze over Youngjae’s skin until he finds his ear, “Where I can hear everything…” Youngjae’s body tenses, he makes a croaking sound in the back of his throat. “So hot…” He whines and Jaebum agrees.

He backs away, finally and leaves both of them breathless. Youngjae’s fingers that had just been busy to try and pry him away are now going grabby at him and Jaebum can’t help the way his heart speeds up. “I don’t know what I am doing…” He mumbles and finally looks at Youngjae’s face. His eyes are shining in the city lights that fall in through the open blends. He looks so soft and pretty and Jaebum remembers the little boy and suddenly there’s something tearing at his insides.

Youngjae props himself up a little and while still staring into his eyes, he quietly reaches out his hand and smoothes it over the bulge in Jaebum’s boxer shorts. His lips fall open in another moan, Youngjae’s hand firm and gentle at the same time, the feeling out of this world. They stare at each other and the old and new Youngjae fight against each other to come to the surface and Jaebum would be torn between devouring Youngjae whole and running away for his life, if Youngjae’s hand didn’t tease his hard-on so deliciously until he is groaning again and his eyes fall shut.

“Shit, Hyung…” Youngjae grumbles and now it’s his mouth that latches to Jaebum’s neck, lewd and wet while he still rubs him through the fabric. “It’s been years for fucks sake…” Jaebum falls back into the sheets, hands gripping desperately into Youngjae’s shirt, suddenly boneless. Youngjae’s fingers can trace the outlines of his cock easily, perfectly through the thin material. His motions are small and short, but firm enough to have his hips buck just like they did against his thigh. “For all those years I jerk off before sleeping in a bed with you and suddenly you freak out like that…” Youngjae’s lips press into the corner right beneath his jaw and he sucks at it hard. Hard enough to leave a mark that Coordi Noona will freak out about, but right now Jaebum doesn’t give a fuck.

The thought is overwhelming; the way Youngjae is touching him right now. How many times he’s done that to himself with Jaebum in the next room and he didn’t know. A hand down his pants while he bites his lips raw in his attempt to be quiet. Or maybe his little cock peeking out above the waistband, flushed and hard. Jaebum pushes him back with a grunt, rolls over him and settles on one of his legs, shoving a hand inside his briefs. His fingers curl around his length like he fantasized Youngjae doing it and he receives a vicious moan in response.

He feels Youngjae twitch in his hand and rocks his hips against his thigh again, high with pleasure. He feels so good in his palm, silky and hard and he relishes in the sounds Youngjae makes. “So hot…” He states, voice small in agony. His head drops and lands on Youngjae’s shoulder. He’s overwhelmed and sweaty and he’s sure he’s never been that horny.

He has zero experience in jerking off another man, but at least he himself has a penis, so he moves his fist along the shaft like he would with himself until Youngjae makes these wonderful noises again. “Hyung…” He whimpers. “Fuck…” His hips buck into his hand, his fingers clutch onto the sleeves of his T-Shirt, slide over his arms as if searching for leverage. Blunt nails dig into his bare skin and his thigh tenses and rubs up against Jaebum’s straining cock. Jaebum mouths at his throat again, sloppy kisses and teeth grazing along the skin.

They’re a whole, complete mess. Youngjae is shaking and moaning so hard, Jaebum is sure he’s close. In a desperate, uncoordinated move he grabs his pants and pulls them away, his flushed cock springing free and the image of Youngjae shuddering and his length curling so prettily against his stomach has Jaebum almost come in his pants. Youngjae whines, but in a new rush of strength pushes him back enough to haul him over onto his back once more. Jaebum falls and almost complains, but Youngjae frees his own aching cock in the same manner and his soft, firm grip around his bare erection is so good it robs him of every bit of coherent speech he ever possessed.

Youngjae is so, so much better at this, it’s rude as fuck. The way he thumbs at his head and fondles his balls, it’s like he was born for it, like he’s never done anything else. Jaebum makes desperate groaning noises in the back of his throat, ragged and carnal. It’s mean, he thinks and sits up enough to reach for Youngjae in return. He’s just grabbing him, helpless and unsteady, but Youngjae keens and whimpers high-pitched. He thrusts his hips into Jaebum’s hand and he’s so  _vocal_ about it. It feels triumphant, really, how Youngjae’s grip falters, how he’s going slack and his mouth falls open in heated moans.

Not a cold sense of satisfaction. No, it’s more a warm tingling in his chest, soft like Youngjae’s skin, that he can make him feel good, even as inexperienced as he is. Youngjae’s eyes fall shut, but his lips are parted, slick with spit and it’s so inviting. Jaebum leans in, darts his tongue out to lick at them. Youngjae’s whole body jerks and their lips crash together. It’s involuntary and lasts a split second. Their tongues meet, rough and wet and then Youngjae is pulling away with a rigid moan. “Hyung…” He whines, “I…” He doesn’t finish the sentence, but Jaebum feels it. Feels him tense, feels his cock twitch. Youngjae’s hand, loosely wrapped around his length falls away as he tucks his arms around his shoulders, holding on like a lifeline.

They’re so close, touching so intimately, Jaebum’s mind is dizzy in pleasure and something else. Something he can’t decipher in his state. His fist closes a little tighter and Youngjae whimpers beautifully. He cries out, his body thrashes uncontrollably and then Jaebum feels the strange sensation of his hot liquid splattering over his hand. Youngjae moans and shakes violently while he comes and Jaebum almost loses it over how breathtaking he is. He keeps pumping him through it and even then, until Youngjae is panting and sobbing.

Jaebum wraps his thigh between his own and goes back to rutting against it and it’s a million times better, nude skin against skin and Youngjae’s body is so pliant against him. He’s mewling pathetically, oversensitive, but he doesn’t pull away, he clings to him tightly, whining desperate sounds right in his ear and rubbing back against him.

Jaebum is going nuts, hips jerking without rhythm, pure, desperate need for friction and those sounds that Youngjae makes, those sounds he doesn’t want to stop, stroking Youngjae’s softening cock against all better knowledge.

The pleasure is intense. It coils in his stomach, his muscles tense and tighten and he groans viciously when it boils over. He’s certain that Youngjae’s soft, hot skin against his erection is the best thing he ever felt and he comes hard, spilling over his thigh and painting it white. He rides it out with quick, sharp thrusts against Youngjae, who, now that his wrung out member is finally released goes completely limp. They drop into the sheets together, awkwardly tangled and disgustingly sticky. They’re both gasping for air, both hot and sweaty, Jaebum still shuddering through the aftermath.

Jaebum would have fallen asleep, if his arm wasn’t caught painfully between them, eventually going numb. When he detaches himself from Youngjae, he notices his eyes closed and his breath steady. A smile tugs at the corners of his lips. With all the filth and lust out of the way, he’s back to being the cute, adorable little boy. All of his edges are soft and gentle.

Jaebum forces himself up and gets a wet towel from the thin-walled bathroom, after taking off his sweat-soaked clothes. He’s careless and when he returns, he finds Youngjae awake from the noises he makes. Maybe. Or maybe from the lack of physical contact, which would be cute and Jaebum already feels something is wrong when he can’t hold Youngjae right now.

He kneels next to his boneless body, skin glowing even against the white sheets and pitch black hair sprawled on the pillow. “You’re dirty.” He murmurs and begins to gently rub the towel over his thigh. His free hand is placed on his leg and there he can feel the goosebumps rise from the touch. Or maybe the wetness. Or maybe not. Youngjae lets him not only wash him, but rid him of his leftover clothing as well.

“Thanks…” He whispers crooked when he is as clean as possible, Jaebum thoroughly freeing him from all the stains of cum that he could find. He throws the towel away into a corner, planning to leave a generous tip for the poor maid who has to clean up their mess. Then he sinks down next to Youngjae to wrap him into the same tight hug he’s sported for years. Youngjae rolls around in his arms so that Jaebum is spooning him, closer and warmer than before with no fabric between them. Sleep is already pressing down at him form the corners of his mind, but there’s one thing he has to ask.

“Is it true… when you said you’ve been jerking off every time before…” He mumbles against the back of Youngjae’s neck. “Before you’d get me turned on by using me as a teddy bear?” Youngjae whispers back and there’s a hint of a laugh in his voice. “Yeah.” Blood rushes to his cheeks and Jaebum is sure, if it was possible right now, it would instead rush south. “Fuck.” He breathes out, estimating roughly how many of these mind-numbingly good orgasms he missed out on by being oblivious. “That’s so hot…” Youngjae chuckles. “Be careful.” He warns, “My refractory period is tiny.”

Opposed to that statement, it’s probably seconds until they fall asleep and sleep through peacefully and deep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, updates are slower than expected.  
> And I know this is short.  
> The last chapter is going to be a little long I fear.  
> Sadly, I don't think I'll get to finish it before I go on vacation next week, but I'll do my best to finish it soon after.
> 
> Thank you for your patience. xP

Youngjae is a whole, perfect sin. If he was the devil himself, climbed up from the deepest pit of hell in his inhumane beauty to seduce him… Jaebum wouldn’t give a fuck.

Everything that is warm and soft about Youngjae can shift into something else entirely and Jaebum is so glad he found that. Everything warm becomes scorching hot and everything soft becomes sharp and strong. Strong like the arms wrapped around Jaebum’s neck, strong like the thighs straddling him. Hot like the tongue digging into his mouth, taking his breath.

Youngjae is moaning in the back of his throat, every delicious sound swallowed by Jaebum’s hungry mouth while his bottom is rutting on his lap. The friction is a bliss and torture at the same time, Jaebum being rock hard and his nude erection rubbing against the raw fabric of Youngjae’s jeans. It’s a little painful and yet he can’t think of a world where he’d want it to stop. He’s aching from how hard he is and he’s not even sure when or how.

All he knows is that he stepped out of the shower drying his hair and instead of finding Jackson lounging around on one of the beds, he found Youngjae, sitting on the corner of the mattress and palming himself through his pants, eyeing Jaebum’s naked body up and down shamelessly when he walked through the bathroom door.

And now they’re making out in that same spot on the foot end of Jaebum’s hotel bed, hands clutching at each other, bodies heated and seeking for contact. Last time they barely kissed, if it can even be called that and now they’re doing just that, all of that. A wet, noisy mess of lips and tongue and teeth. Youngjae tastes like toothpaste and sin. His lips are full and plush, his tongue prodding, nosy. Jaebum’s arms are behind his back pressing their bodies together. His palms run up and down his back, long since beneath his shirt, feeling naked skin and heat.

Youngjae’s fingers tangle in his hair, pulling heatedly. Every now and then a cold drop of water releases from his still wet hair and runs down his back, raising goosebumps and making him shiver. Youngjae’s hips keep grinding down on him, the bulge in his jeans obnoxious. Jaebum’s head feels dizzy over the thought, how they turn each other on so quickly, so intense. He never had a kiss like that. Of course, Jaebum has kissed before, he’s not a loser. But it didn’t feel like this. It wasn’t this messy, not this wet. It wasn’t this arousing, the way Youngjae is sucking on his tongue and the way he whimpers into the kiss when his bottom lip gets stuck between Jaebum’s teeth and his hips buck.

They’re both out of breath, gasping into each other’s mouth in an attempt to fill up on oxygen, but unwilling, or maybe even physically unable to part. It should be gross, but it isn’t that Jaebum’s lips and chin are covered in spit from their sloppy kissing. They’re equally messy, it’s just fitting. Jaebum knows that if this goes on, if Youngjae doesn’t stop rutting over his lap, doesn’t stop devouring his mouth, he will surely come. It’ll be easy with Youngjae’s body against his own like this. The perfect combination of tender flesh and hard muscle. But it would also be a waste. Youngjae being all dressed. His gorgeous little cock all tugged away and hidden. It’s a little tough to get his hands between them with how close they’re pressing against each other. But as soon as Youngjae notices his efforts, he gives him a little space, even though he doesn’t stop grinding.

The button of his jeans must be from a new, unknown kind of vicious species of buttons, because Jaebum fumbles desperately and can’t seem to get it undone. And even when he thinks he’s almost had it, one of Youngjae’s nails scratching his bare shoulder or a particularly hard suck at his lips distract him enough to lose again. He makes a frustrated groan and presses his palm to Youngjae’s clothed dick, making him voice a high-pitched moan. His hips jerk, thrust into his hand and for a moment his mouth pulls away. “Hyung…” He gasps, breathless, then his head falls forward and his lips latch onto Jaebum’s neck, sucking harshly. He answers with a moan, putting more pressure on Youngjae’s erection.

“More…” Youngjae whines against his skin, pulling at his hair so much it hurts. Jaebum growls and finally wraps his arms around him, grabs into his belt loops and under his arms and turns them around to throw him down onto the bed. He regrets the loss of friction from Youngjae’s bottom, but the way he moans and his eyes shut over being thrown around like that pretty much make up for it. The newly acquired freedom allows him to finally pop open the button of Youngjae’s jeans and peel them down to his thighs.

It’s just as lovely and exciting as the first time unwrapping Youngjae’s length, all flushed and hard and it is even better since it’s not as dark. Because he can see how it’s an angered reddish color, how a bead of precum glistens at the tip. And when he curls his fingers around it and Youngjae moans desperately and his thighs twitch, Jaebum looks up to his face, cheeks pink from arousal, skin wet with sweat and hair dark and messy. Jaebum is certain he’s never seen anything more beautiful.

He jerks Youngjae just as rough and messy as they’ve been kissing while he stares down at him, observes every little twitch and his desperate attempt to wet his abused lips that go dry from his heavy breath. It’s ridiculous, really, how Youngjae is supposed to be a person. How could he, when he looks and feels and sounds so perfectly good. His eyes flutter open and he blinks up at him with a weak sound. “Hyung...” He whispers softly and reaches out one hand to grab his hair again and pull him down into another kiss.

While their lips slot together the millionth time Jaebum feels Youngjae’s other hand go down. He shifts and twists and eventually Jaebum sits up to find him struggling with his jeans, sinfully tight and unwilling to get off. Jaebum lets go of him with regret to help him, pulls the pants down and off his feet with everything else there is. Youngjae’s legs are as beautiful as everything about him, strong but slender and they gently fall apart, so that when Youngjae impatiently pulls him back in, he fits between them effortlessly.

Jaebum’s heart speeds up another notch. It feels right and yet so terribly wrong to kneel between his spread legs like that, the inner of Youngjae’s thighs with all their smooth, warm skin pressing to the outer side of his own, crotch against crotch with nothing in between. Youngjae lifts his upper body off the bed with the leverage of one arm around his shoulders and Jaebum gets the hint, sliding his hands under his shirt to pull it over his head.

His face comes out underneath it, disheveled hair and blushing cheeks and it looks too cute for the situation. Jaebum can’t help it and they’re kissing again while they sink back down together. It would be sweet; it is, in fact, for a moment, but Youngjae’s hips rock up against him and their cocks rub together and now Jaebum is certain that  _that_ is the best thing he ever felt. They’re moaning simultaneously, into each others mouth and Jaebum can feel those strong thighs tense and cling around him.

“Please...” Youngjae whimpers against his lips, grinding up at him. “Hyung...” He gasps. “More.” Jaebum buries his face into the crook of his neck with a groan. He sounds so desperate. So hot. And Jaebum wants to give him anything he asks for. He mouthes at the skin of his neck like it’s a routine, but in a good way, like he’s done it year and day and he mirrors the grinding motions of his hips. Youngjae barely stops moaning anymore and Jaebum wouldn’t be better if he didn’t bury his teeth in the flesh of Youngjae’s neck, to keep himself quiet enough to relish in every little sound of pleasure he emits.

Blunt nails scrape over his shoulders, arms and along his scalp, making him shudder. It’s inevitable. The friction at his member, enveloped in the heat and tight space between their bodies and every little bit of Youngjae’s hot bare skin. Jaebum is so close already, bottom rutting paceless and it’s a shame. He wants to be able to see him, witness how his eyes shut tight in pleasure when he comes. He wants to feel his silky length in his hand, be able to wrap his fingers around him.

“Hyung...” Youngjae whispers, hoarse from the strain. “Please… I… want you.” His knees wander further up his body and his legs wrap around his waist. Jaebum nods against his shoulder, licks up his neck, then his jaw and kisses him again, more breathless even than before. Youngjae pulls at his hair and pushes at his shoulder, taking a few shaky breaths as they part. “Hyung, I mean it...” He groans, following with a vicious groan as Jaebum rocks his hips. He hums in response, sitting up and almost chokes on his tongue looking back down at Youngjae. If it is possible for a human being to look that edible, he could consider becoming a cannibal.

Youngjae is a complete mess, flushed and sweaty and so so vulnerable. Something in Jaebum’s world shifts, as he stares. The little soft boy and the lewd attractive man churning and melting into one. There’s sexual desire and innocent affection both at once and Jaebum’s heart and head feel like they’re bursting. Everything falls out of place, but still he is right where he is supposed to be.

Jaebum needs to feel. Needs to steady himself and needs to know that this is reality. He slides his hands down and up his chest and along the legs enveloping him, every piece of skin as scorching hot as the other. Not gentle, but firm, fueled by the same otherworldly lust that he was suddenly forced to cope with and that he’s never asked for. Youngjae is chewing on his bottom lip, fingers grasping for his arms and thighs still tensing and shaking. While Jaebum draws his hand up his stomach and his chest, his thumb catches onto one of his nipples, accidentally, but Youngjae’s hip buck once more and he throws his head back with a violent moan, fingertips digging into the blanket.

Shook, but intrigued, Jaebum does it again, rubbing his thumb over the nub a few more times and he just can’t grasp that he can possibly make Youngjae feel all these things. Everything that was clear in his mind becomes clouded, breath going heavy. He feels numb, completely unable to discern anything that is not Youngjae’s body, Youngjae’s voice, Youngjae’s skin. He brings his other hand down between them to cup it over his erection, forcing a cry from his overused vocals.

It feels surreal and at the same time so down-to-earth, witnessing Youngjae falling apart more and more. Jaebum doesn’t even have enough room to properly curl his fingers around his cock that is so hard and so wet and so perfect. He presses his palm down on him, holds him caught between his hand and Youngjae’s stomach. Youngjae presses back, releases his raw-bitten lips and chokes out something that sounds like “No… wanted to...” His eyes fly open with a breathless whimper and meet Jaebum’s own, who notices them widen as Youngjae falls dead silent. Then his lips part in a soundless moan and he shudders, every muscle in his sinful body tightening as he comes.

If Jaebum were asked, he would swear it lasts a lifetime. Youngjae’s cum splatters onto his own stomach and chest, hips twitching, thighs tightening on the verge of painfully hard around his waist while Jaebum guides him through it, smoothing his palm in small motions. He’s panting hard when his muscles finally loosen, when he sinks backwards into the sheets, all tension flowing off, even his legs falling down from where they were clenched around Jaebum.

It’s quiet. The silence pressing onto Jaebum’s ears as if it was physical. He wonders if the world stopped spinning or if it sped up infinitely and he’s frozen in time alone. The moment is deep and intimate. Rock-solid and yet so fragile. He wants to stay there, hovering over Youngjae’s limp figure and observing him slowly coming back to life. But his arms are shaking and he’s wondering why for a moment, until he realizes that he is still painfully hard.

It feels like he would be breaking the moment if he were to jerk himself now and he’s grateful when Youngjae comes to his senses and looks up at him under heavy eyelids. It takes him nothing to throw Jaebum off balance, pushing him over to fall onto his back next to him. He makes a sound that sounds almost like a growl. “Stupid you.” He says, steadier than Jaebum expected. “I meant it.” He props himself onto his side, one leg over one of Jaebum’s to lock it in place. Then he runs his palm down his chest unceremoniously and grabs his aching hard-on. Jaebum groans, eyes shutting close on their own. Youngjae is still a million times better, he thinks, fisting the sheets with the hand that can’t reach for some part of Youngjae’s skin.

He’s close anyways, pleasure burning in his guts and Youngjae’s firm grip pushing him further and further. But he also leans down to his ear, licking along the shell and biting at his lobe. “I mean it.” He murmurs into it, his swollen wet lips grazing along the side. “I wanted you to take me. I really want it.” Jaebum is too naive to grasp the full meaning, but the way Youngjae speaks, so entirely seductive has his hips buck into his touch. “And instead you do this and then you have the nerves to look at me like  _that_ .” Jaebum doesn’t know how he looked at him that it had him climax, but he hopes dearly he could at least bring across  _some_ of the confusing mess of feelings he has. “Now I have to take care of you myself… I’d suck you. I’d swallow you all the way down my throat if I could, but I have to sing tomorrow.” Youngjae keeps talking, voice low and hand speeding up to torturous pace, just the right amount of pressure.

Jaebum feels the pull in his guts, moans push out through his clenched teeth. “I’ll suck you some time. Promise.” The pleasure is blinding as he topples over the edge. Sparks appear before his eyes until his vision is all white, his heels dig into the bed. He’s not sure if maybe he moans Youngjae’s name. He would believe it if he were told that. He makes a mess and twitches faintly while Youngjae wrings him completely dry, humming gently at his ear.

  


It’s fine to share a single bed. They wipe their filth off in the one that was originally supposed to be Jaebum’s and snuggle close in formerly Jackson’s bed, Youngjae mumbling unapologetic about telling Jackson something along the lines of having to “sort out a problem” with his leader and asking to switch rooms.

  


When Jackson asks during breakfast the next day if everything is alright again, they nod.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SORRY!  
> Not just for the delay, but also for... the mood?  
> Like what's up with that mood shift? I can't even keep up with my own brain.
> 
> But at least it's long, so no complains.

Jaebum is pacing back and forth in his bedroom. He’s restless. And somehow he’s upset. It was all fine while they were on tour. They didn’t have to acknowledge what they were doing at night. But now they’re back home, back to their usual environment.

And it will be months, or more, until Jaebum has the chance to share a hotel room with Youngjae again. And until then he will be at home and Youngjae will be at home and they will see each other for their schedules and maybe once in a while they will go watch a movie or have a drink with the others and somehow that’s  _not_ _enough_ . It used to be, but now it’s not. Not when Jaebum is already desperately longing to touch Youngjae again and to kiss him. He stops in his tracks to kick the leg of his bed and yells in frustration when his toe collides painfully with the hard wood.

Stupid. It’s all very stupid. Will Youngjae be fine? Can he wait until they’re somewhere else again? Should they find a way to meet every once in a while for… His face heats up and he hides it behind his hands even though there’s noone to see it. For  _what_ exactly? It was more fun when he didn’t have to think about it. Will they just bury it? Never mention it again? Should they talk about it? He doesn’t want to really, but he  _has_ to.

Even if he weren’t so desperate to share a bed with Youngjae… it’s not the same anymore. Between them. He doesn’t see Youngjae the same way anymore and he’s not sure he can just face him like before. Behave like before. So he will have to talk to him, just to figure everything out. He’s the leader. He’s responsible for the group dynamics. If there’s trouble between members he’s the one to insist they work it out. He has to insist. That he works it out now.

He takes his phone out for the nth time and opens Youngjae’s chat. The last message is months old. Apparently they had nothing to say to each other for a while and seeing it now there’s a painful sting in his chest and all of a sudden he feels like bursting into tears. It’s stupid.

He blinks. Once, twice and again, rapidly, dumbfounded as he stares at the chat. “Youngjae is typing...” it says and his mouth falls open. What sorcery is this?

The screen lights up. “Hyung, are you home?” It says. Simple. He replies “Yeah” probably a little too fast, but luckily Youngjae is just as quick and his heart jumps all the way up his throat when he reads “I’m coming over. !?”

  


It‘s awkward and that‘s a first. Youngjae doesn‘t look at him, playing with his fingers, standing in the middle of Jaebum‘s bedroom. They‘ve never been awkward before. „You… wanted me to come over, right?“ Youngjae asks timidly and Jaebum makes a muffled „Yeah...“

Youngjae takes a deep breath and asks “Why?” Finally looking up into his eyes. Jaebum frowns. “What?” Youngjae clears his throat. “Did you want… me to come over so we could talk or...” He shrugs helplessly “Or to fuck?” A shudder of both shame and arousal shakes Jaebum’s body and he probably blushes. “Uhm… You asked, so… what about you?” He wants to know, because he himself has no idea really. Both?

Youngjae rubs his socked foot over the floor and shrugs again. “Kind of… the latter.” He admits, yet keeps talking. “But I know you and… I know you will want to talk at some point, so… that’s why I’m asking.”

“You know me too well...” Jaebum mutters and it makes his fingers tingle. “You’re right. We should. Really.”

Youngjae nods. “So uhm… what first then?” Jaebum opens his mouth, but closes it again without a sound. That. He hasn’t thought about. “Let me.” Youngjae suggests carefully, but straightens his back and finally looks at him with something resembling the confidence Jaebum knows from him. “Just.” He clears his throat again to get his voice a little stronger. “Just in case we decide that… this shouldn’t go on. Let’s talk after we fuck, okay?”

Jaebum presses the balls of his hands to his eyes with a shiver. So lewd. “Do you think?” He asks and takes a step back when he notices Youngjae moving closer. They still both. “That could happen? Like...” He glances up. “That you… don’t want anymore or...” It’s Youngjae’s turn to do the fishmouth. It opens and closes and opens again. He looks startled. “No.” He eventually answers. “Just. Because you’re the responsible one and… Is it about what we want or… what we should?”

He’s so right and Jaebum hates it. “If...” He suggests. “that is true… And we actually shouldn’t, then… How can we now?”

“That’s why I said, let’s do it before we figured that out.” Youngjae pouts visibly. “Because now is not about what we should. It’s about what we want.” He stems his arms into his sides and it’s somewhat adorable. “And I want. You?”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Jaebum breathes soundless. “Yes, of course. Fuck.” Youngjae smiles. “That’s what I’m talking about.” He says lowly and steps closer. “Fuck.” He grabs Jaebum by the shirt and pulls him in forcefully, crashing their lips together. Finally.

  


Jaebum doesn’t need to will himself to avoid thinking about what’s to come later. Youngjae kissing him clears his mind off everything that’s not him. He opens his mouth eagerly and lets Youngjae invade it. It’s not as entirely sloppy as last time, not just as needy, but still hot. Jaebum stands no chance against Youngjae’s tongue, relentlessly pushing at him. Along with the heated kiss, Youngjae wedges a knee between his legs, pressing his thigh into Jaebum’s crotch.  
He moans desperately into Youngjae’s mouth, arms wrapping around his shoulders and fingers curling into his hair. He’s hardening in record speed against Youngjae’s leg and he feels his knees going weak. A little more and he will probably go tumbling to the ground.

He gathers his strength as long as he still has it, tears Youngjae away from his face and turns them around to throw him down on the bed. It’s probably a little over the top, but Youngjae has always let shine through that he likes being manhandled, so…

Youngjae sits up and reaches his arms out in an impatient gesture, pulls at Jaebum when he leans down, so he loses his balance and crashes ungracefully onto him. It‘s good, because it‘s messy, because it‘s easier when it‘s like that. When the heat is overwhelming and entangles him. His body is like a blanket on Youngjae, covering him completely and they kiss. kiss. kiss.

Jaebum only holds himself up so much, not enough to reach anywhere, but Youngjae grinds up into him, their fronts pressing together delightfully, where Youngjae is so snugly fitted between his knees and yet. He’s not used to there being so much clothing between them. Not just sleep- or underwear. It’s too much.

He separates their mouths so he can pull his sweater over his head, throwing it away and sighing over the cool air easing his heated skin. Youngjae’s hands find their way to the front of his jeans easily, no fumbling needed he rips it open, unable to get it off he snakes his hand inside, grasping his growing erection confidently and having him moan softly over the feel.

It’s as if he had been longing for this since forever. A junkie finally getting their hands on a shot and he feels dizzy. He’s eager to get the most of it, tugging at the hem of Youngjae’s shirt and he lifts himself up just enough to get it off. Jaebum is determined to get over with it, rolling to the side to struggle out of his pants and he’d do the same with Youngjae if he didn’t do it by himself, shoving his jeans down his legs and kicking it off with everything else there is.

It’s so so hot, but also so wrong. There’s nowhere to hide, nothing to pretend. They’re both nude, sitting in Jaebum’s bed, aroused and needy in bright daylight and it never felt more real. It’s hard to explain the shyness that sneaks up on him and creeps down his scalp, having him blush in the process.

Youngjae’s smile is angelic. He’s so confident, it’s frightening. “It’s okay.” He says softly, as if knowing. “Come here.” And he lures Jaebum in like a siren, grabs behind the back of his neck to pull him into a tender kiss and sinks back into the sheets. Jaebum’s body follows without resistance, slipping over him and nestling between his legs as Youngjae opens them and guides him with a little push and pull of his free hand and knees.

“No getting away with a lazy hand job this time, Hyung.” He murmurs as they part. “I really. Really want it.” Jaebum is mesmerized, staring down into his pretty brown eyes, watching them glimmer in the light and he hums.

“Will you?” Youngjae asks, quietly against his lips, just before Jaebum can snatch them into another kiss. “What?” he gives back, confused. “Sleep with me.” Youngjae’s voice sounds urgent and Jaebum startles. “Yes…?” He says, pretty certain that’s what they agreed on earlier, uncertainty crawling up his back.

“I mean...” Youngjae gasps, audibly distressed. “Go all the way? Like…” He scrunches his nose. “Fuck me?” Jaebum shudders. “You mean.” He croaks, eyes going wide as realization settles slowly. “Anal sex?”

Youngjae snorts and pulls his arms away to cross them over his face, hiding away from Jaebum’s view. “Gosh, how old are you?” He whines muffled. “Obviously, yeah.” He peeks out between his forearms. “I kinda get the feeling you don’t really… You’re not really up for it…?” Jaebum is too quiet, probably. He doesn’t mean to, he just feels overwhelmed for a moment. That’s not something he thought about.

“You don’t have to… Really… It’s just...” Youngjae stutters and it’s cute how he can be oozing confidence one moment and go completely shy the next. Jaebum cuts him off.

“I’ve never done that before.” He confesses, before he can lose Youngjae to the insecurity he’s so prone to when he feels inappropriate. Which he isn’t.

Youngjae’s arms fall away and his face morphs into mild astonishment, thankfully. “Oh.” He makes and sighs. “Oh that’s all? Okay.” He smiles eventually. “That’s fine.” He promises. “It’ll be fine. You’ll like it.” He peppers a few kisses on Jaebum’s lips and it’s too sweet, it has his stomach go fuzzy. That is, until Youngjae smirks. He lifts himself up enough to bring his mouth to Jaebum’s ear and whispers darkly. “Let me show you.”

Jaebum’s whole body seems to be reacting. A shiver begins at his ear, where Youngjae’s hot breath hits his skin and travels all the way down to his toes. He groans quietly and wedges his teeth into Youngjae’s neck to get it under control, though not sure what exactly.

“Ouch, Hyung.” Youngjae says, but it’s half swallowed by a moan. “Wait a sec.” He mumbles, even though his thighs tense around him and their cocks all but rub together, leaving them breathless. “You, uhmm...” He gasps, “You don’t happen to have some lube…?” Jaebum shakes his head against his neck, grunting in disagreement.

“Yeah, well… We kinda need somethin’...” Jaebum lifts his head to look at him again, lips pressed together. It feels a bit like a nuisance. Like it’s too much trouble to bother. He’s not sure they really need to do it, if it’s that complicated. But then again, Youngjae _asked_ him to. Like he really wants it and that’s so hot. “I got this, humm.. lotion? That I kinda use to, you know?” He admits and Youngjae’s face lights up cutely. “To jerk off?” He sneers happily and nods. “That’ll do.”

Jaebum leans over with a growl, reaching for his bedside table to retrieve it. It’s strange really. The way they speak. About what they’re doing. Acknowledging it instead of just… doing it. “Sit up.” Youngjae orders and takes the bottle from his hand.

Jaebum sits back on his heels as requested, watching Youngjae pop the cap open and reach for his hand. “You gotta prep if you’re doing it with a guy.” He explains gently. Like it’s not shameful or perverted. Like what they’re doing is not… wrong. He pours some of the lotion on the fingers of Jaebum’s right hand. “I hope this doesn’t put you off or something...” He glances up into his eyes, looking for confirmation. “It’s something you have to get used to, but… afterwards, like… Then it’s not that different from being with a girl, I promise.”

Jaebum is out of it. He feels dizzy, blurred. His breath is heavy, watching Youngjae pour more of the lotion onto his own hand and put it away. Jaebum licks his lips, eyes flickering between Youngjae’s face and hand and further down where it wanders slowly between his open thighs.

“I haven’t done that either.” Jaebum finally says quietly. Without thinking much, just because it feels right to say it. “With a girl.”

Youngjae gasps. “What…?” He halts his movements, left hand that’s still wrapped around Jaebum’s wrist tightening strongly. Jaebum’s eyes finally halt, locking with Youngjae’s widened ones. Embarrassment seeps in out of nowhere, his ears heat up while he blinks. “’m sorry.” He feels the need to mumble, feeling so so inappropriate.

“You’re a virgin?” Youngjae asks incredulously. “Not just a gay virgin. A virgin virgin?” Jaebum wants to hide, wants to pull away, but Youngjae’s grip on his arms keeps him there and the pressure of his knees around him. All he manages is a shrug. It didn’t feel like a big deal just now. “Does that bother you?” He mumbles, skin feeling itchy, arousal deflating.

“No.” Youngjae’s voice is finite. “No that’s...” A smirk creeps on his face, tugging at the corner of his mouth. “That’s actually… Somehow, kind of hot.” He pulls Jaebum down to him, to kiss him, all sweet and lovely. “It’s good. It’ll be good.” He promises again against his lips. The lotion smears everywhere when he lets go of Jaebum’s hand and they grab at each other, hold onto one another when they kiss more. “Ewww.” They giggle.

“Okay.” He eventually whispers, but only when both of their breathing goes heavier again. A few sweet kisses, then a lingering one. Then one that goes deeper. One where Jaebum is granted control, where he licks into his mouth where it’s hot. And one where Youngjae puts him back in his place and where it gets messy because Jaebum won’t surrender immediately.  
When they’re back to working against each other, heat spreading between them, Youngjae whispers. “Again.”

The play repeats, Jaebum sits back and watches Youngjae work his lubed up hand between his legs, right under his heated gaze. He spreads them wider until they merely loosely dangle around Jaebum’s hips and bites down at his bottom lip. Jaebum watches the pad of his middle finger trail down beneath his balls, rubbing over his butthole. It’s wrong, he thinks, and so strange.  
Youngjae presses against it and then the tip of his finger vanishes, prodding into the entrance and he sighs softly. “Like this, okay?” He whispers, but Jaebum can’t tear his eyes away to look at him, following the way his finger sinks in deeper, until the second knuckle catches at the tight rim and he pulls back out.

He wishes, unwittingly, that it’d go deeper, wants to see more of his finger go inside. But instead Youngjae puts his index next to it and rubs again for a moment and then both breach the hole and sink inside him. “And like this.” He explains and his hips twitch and churn on the bed.

Jaebum just so remembers that he was instructed to do this and he brings his shaking hand into the game. He tugs Youngjae’s own away with his left, witnesses the two fingers slipping out and listens to the soft gasp. He feels the puckered skin under the pad of his middle finger when he mirrors how Youngjae traced his hole and it feels good, but he wasn’t prepared for the sensation when he presses against it, feels it giving out and suck him in.

He might have cursed as his finger sinks all the way inside and it’s so fucking hot. Quite literally, because Youngjae is so hot around it and tight and he sighs again. He didn’t expect this. Didn’t expect Youngjae to be so warm and so soft, too. He pulls it out, just to feel it again, just to witness it snap close and then open again around his finger and engulf him in the soft tight warmth. Youngjae makes a crooked sound and eventually Jaebum glances up at his face to look for confirmation, to see if it’s alright and finds his eyes shut close tightly.

“Is it okay?” He asks, breathlessly and Youngjae just nods. Jaebum nods too. To himself somehow, urges himself on. He pulls his finger out and puts his index along with it, just like Youngjae did, pressing against the opening with both. It needs a little bit more, but once through it’s almost just as easy, sliding deeper with the wetness of the lotion and it’s even tighter and even better and it looks so perfectly hot, how the hole stretches around both of his fingers.

“This is so good, Youngjae.” He whimpers, because he feels like he can’t take it if he can’t put his feelings somewhere. Youngjae’s only answer is a soft “Ah” sound and his bottom is squirming a little. All Jaebum can do is repeat it, pulling out and pushing back in, mesmerized by what he sees and feels. Youngjae’s inside is so velvety soft and fits so snugly around his fingers, whether it’s one or two, accommodating so perfectly as if it were made for that. Which it isn’t. He knows that, but it sure feels that way.

“You gotta….” Youngjae croaks and even though his eyes are still shut, he lifts one hand from where it had been clutching the blanket and holds it before him. He stretches out two fingers and simulates a scissoring motion, showing what he can’t verbalize. Jaebum thinks he understands, until Youngjae keeps speaking, strained in what Jaebum hopes is pleasure, not discomfort. “Make sure it fits… if your cock goes in there… Needs space.”

It’s a mumbling mess of words, but only then Jaebum grasps the reality of what he’s doing. What he’s doing it for. What’s expected to happen next. When he does that thing with his fingers, spreads them apart and they catch against the entrance, he feels it resist and strain against them, Youngjae lets out the lewdest of moans and his thighs quiver. His arm is frozen in midair where he’s given his presentation and he makes an attention seeking sound, then he bends his fingers, crooks them at the knuckles and Jaebum mirrors it and Youngjae moans again.

Jaebum feels like bursting into tears over it. Not because it’s sad, but because it’s overwhelming. Because he does so little and Youngjae’s every response is intense. His hand finally falls to the bed again and fingers dig into the sheets, along with his whole body tensing and his lips spilling sounds of pleasure.

It’s inappropriate. Jaebum shouldn’t be able to elicit those feelings with his lack of experience. He does his best, the way he’s told, but he leans down, hovering over Youngjae, relishing in the way his legs catch onto his torso and bend with him. He doesn’t remove his fingers, keeps them where they are and alternates between scissoring them against Youngjae’s scorching heat and crooking them. He explores his insides thoroughly, feeling along in every direction, moving in and out when he can and watching Youngjae’s face from the short distance he’s closed into.

He leans in for a kiss, because he has no other choice, catching staggered breath and soft moans. He licks into Youngjae’s mouth and finds no resistance, finds him pliant and unable to focus. It’s so good, it’s even better than good, but the kiss is one sided, so he moves further down to lap at his neck, kiss his throat and then, because Youngjae liked it last time, he crouches down far enough to trace his tongue over one of his nipples.

The reaction is immediate and startling, Youngjae’s hips rocking down and his head flying back with a ragged moan. His fingers get pushed so deeply inside of him, so tightly enclosed. Jaebum shudders over the response, doing it again, because he can’t otherwise and because the skin of his cute pink nub feels so silky against his tongue, though salty with sweat.

“Stop, stop!” Youngjae whines, causing Jaebum to lift his head in surprise. His hand stills too and finally Youngjae crooks his eyes open. “Stop, I’ll come.” He urges and he’s shaking. Jaebum has to close his eyes for a moment, dealing with a surge of arousal. He regrets it, when he pulls his hand out from between his legs, when the tight, slicked up entrance does one last twitch around the pads of his fingers.

He’s suddenly reminded of his aching erection, because now it’s imminent that that’s where he’s going to feel it next, that tightness and heat. His jaw clenches painfully. He isn’t sure he’s ready for that yet. He buries his face in the crook of Youngjae’s neck, taking a few deep, calming breaths. But because they smell like Youngjae and because Youngjae’s legs wrap around his waist and because Youngjae groans softly- it only gets him riled up more.

  


“Okay.” Youngjae whispers breathless and Jaebum nods against his skin. “Okay.” He repeats obediently. He’s excited, but nervous. It’s not at all like that first time. He’s not consumed by the heat and lust, though he feels it burn. But he’s also so painfully aware of the situation. The reality of Youngjae’s naked body beneath him, of his scorching skin and hooded eyes.

“Don’t worry.” Youngjae murmurs, out of breath and strangely urgent. “You’ll do good…” He reaches around for one of the pillows and when Jaebum brings a bit of space between them again he lifts his hips off the bed and stuffs the pillow underneath it. The way his bottom is elevated is so ridiculously hot, Jaebum makes a pained noise under his breath. His flushed, stiff little cock lies heavily on his stomach, so pretty, he wants to just touch, but he also wants to do good. Wants to do what will please Youngjae, because he should do his best, verify the faith that Youngjae has in him.

He squeezes some more of the lotion into his palm, fumbles a little, as he reaches for his own erection, moans under his breath when his fingers wrap around it. The other hand he puts under Youngjae’s thigh, holding onto it tightly while maneuvering his length between his cheeks. He wants to ask if it’s okay. If he’s doing it right. But he can’t choke out a single word, looking up into his face and finding gentle encouragement.

The intimacy of it is bizarre. There’s something in him that wonders how the hell they got here and something else that spouts who the hell fucking cares. He presses the head of his cock against Youngjae’s rim, eyes flickering back down to find his way. It’s strange to feel the soft resistance, tense but lenient. He bites his tongue harsh enough to leave it sore tomorrow when he breaches through, the tightness of Youngjae’s hole closing around his tip. There’s a soft whimper and he seriously can’t tell who of them made it. The muscles, first trying to keep him out are now sucking him in, twitching around his girth.

Jaebum feels like crying over how good it feels. He pushes forward, Youngjae taking him easily, more and more of his length sinking into the warmth, the feeling so tight and wet. His thigh shivers in his grip. He lets go of it and of himself, moving his hips forward and when he thinks he’s safely settled inside falls forward onto his arms, leaning over his body, just realizing how hard he’s panting for air. He can’t read Youngjae’s expression, it’s clouded and foggy, though it might just be his own mind that can’t focus.

A careful push of his hips and Youngjae’s breath staggers, another one and it stalls. His legs scramble for a hold around him as Jaebum continues his motions, tame and slow, because he doesn’t want to hurt him, but also because he’s not sure he himself can take more. Youngjae’s heat is all-consuming, the way his walls that felt so silky under the pads of his fingers enclose him, fit perfectly around him. The pressure is insane, he pulls back a little, slipping halfway out easily to then push back inside.

There it is, a tiny, beautiful moan that falls from Youngjae’s parted lips telling him that he’s doing alright and stirring the desire in him to go on, to do more and to hear it again. It’s the most basic of things out there. Sex. As far as the theory goes, it’s pretty simple. In and out an in. But how far? And how fast? And at what angle?

He’s moving steadily, a slow, comfortable pace, relishing in the warmth surrounding him and the lovely sounds Youngjae makes. That is, until it somehow does feel _enough_ anymore. He speeds up, just a notch, but the tightness of Youngjae’s body works against him, keeping him from going quicker. He rocks his hips with more strength, pushing into him with a rash forward motion, to pull out a little slower and FUCK! It doesn’t just feel a million times better, but Youngjae’s reaction is so intense, Jaebum wants to break down and cry and he wants to it again and hear more and see more and feel more. He gasps out an ‘Ahh’ under his breath and his body tenses in the most beautiful way and his face crunches up in pleasure. That’s what Jaebum thinks it is. He halts to ask, but his voice won’t listen to him.

“Don’t stop!” Youngjae croaks, eyes flying open to look at him and fingers tangling in his hair to pull him closer or to just pull for the sake of it. And Jaebum doesn’t stop. He rocks his hips forward again, feels his own muscles tense and listens to Youngjae’s breathy sounds like it’s a song he’s singing. He pushes with fervor, falls into a rhythm and Youngjae asks for ‘More’ and Jaebum gives and Youngjae asks again.

It’s insane and Jaebum thinks he’s legit losing his mind. It gets better with each time, Youngjae’s warm insides taking him with ease and as Jaebum thrusts harsher, he sinks even deeper until he feels his lower body hitting the back of Youngjae’s cheeks. His  own moans sound loud in his ears, but he’s not sure they rival with Youngjae’s and it’s so rude.  They fall from his lips so easily, all want and desire, each time he bottoms out with another harsh snap, the sound of damp skin hitting dampers skin mixing in like background music for Youngjae’s performance.

It doesn’t take long to forget his doubts. It doesn’t even seem to matter whether he’s doing it right, he just wants more of it. His motions become involuntary, self-sufficiant. He’s chasing the high, the friction around his length unlike anything he’s ever felt. Until Youngjae’s constant moaning gets interrupted by a desperate cry and a blunt nail digs into his back painfully, scratching down his shoulder and Jaebum almost explodes feeling him clench down on him tightly.

Everything after that is a blur of sounds and colors as broken words make it out of Youngjae’s sinful mouth between incoherent high-pitched whimpers. Along the lines of ‘Like that’ and ‘There, right there’ it fuels everything that’s left in Jaebum to keep him going. Barely noticing how his arms are shaking and his fingers dig into the mattress where he’s desperately trying to stay upright enough to just keep thrusting. To never make it stop.

Except it has to stop. Jaebum feels his strength fading and his motions falling out of rhythm. As much as he tries to keep it up, his hips stutter when he feels his climax approaching, relentless and wild. He’s losing focus, hears his own moans ring in his ears. His orgasm comes from the deepest pits of hell, slow and intense and it has him thrust fast and hard to finally unravel.  
And then  Youngjae’s mouth falls open like he’s screaming, but there’s nothing but a tiny whimper and his head falls back and his chest arches off the bed and everything tenses, Jaebum’s motions almost stopping dead with the way Youngjae tightens around him.

The world stops dead and it doesn’t quite reach Jaebum’s brain that Youngjae just came, but it doesn’t matter, because that’s when he loses it and his orgasm comes crashing down like a tidal wave, drowning him to the point where his vision turns white and his whole body shudders under the intensity of it. He’s not sure if he manages to thrust a few more times, riding the high, while the pleasure has him blinded and shaking.

He almost feels like he’s drowning. It takes an eternity while he desperately gasps for air until he feels he’s actually breathing again. And when he opens his eyelids that feel heavy like lead and of which he doesn’t know when he closed them, he feels disoriented until he realizes that he dropped and crushes Youngjae’s body with his whole being, face buried in his neck.

Youngjae is quiet, but panting rough, unsteady breaths and random muscles in his body twitching. Jaebum wants to apologize, get off him, but his body won’t listen to him, feeling like jelly all over, as if all his bones had evaporated into thin air.

The scorching heat flows off quickly and all that’s left is Youngjae’s comfortable warmth, even if sticky with sweat and probably other bodily fluids that he doesn’t want to think about.  
Filthy. That’s what they are and that’s just right.

It’s a small whisper, soundless, as if there were no sounds left in him when Youngjae speaks. “Hyung.” There’s no dot dot dot. It doesn’t sound like something was supposed to follow. Jaebum attempts to just roll down, even though he’s sure he’s going to miss the contact, but as he tries he notices that he’s still… stuck.

With a deep growl of frustration and exertion he lifts himself up enough to let his soft cock slip out of the confines of Youngjae’s insides and they both comment on it with a gross whiny groan. He falls with a huff and a thud, far enough to stop crushing Youngjae underneath him and close enough to still feel him there in all his soft, beautiful glory. There’s something resembling a dry chuckle coming from the direction of Youngjae’s face.

Jaebum is exhausted and sleepy, but he manages to turn onto his side, just enough so he can look at… him. He doesn’t have the right word to describe Youngjae. Or to describe his feelings that increase in confusing-ness, now that he’s cooling down. And Youngjae looks back. Sleepy and pretty and eyes full of affection, so real that Jaebum’s heart makes a weird little jump and he forgets to breathe for a moment.

“I don’t know about you...” Jaebum murmurs tiredly, his voice broken even in his own ears. “But I don’t want to never do this again.”

  
  


 

He’s not sure if he just rested his eyes or if he fell asleep, but it’s dark when he opens his eyes again. Youngjae is still there and they’re still lying close. He found a comfortable place on Youngjae’s shoulder for his head which feels heavy in his drowsy state.

He doesn’t think he can ever get enough of Youngjae’s beauty. He traces invisible lines over his naked chest with the pads of his fingers, featherlight touches.  Youngjae shifts, fingertips running up the back of Jaebum’s neck and vanishing behind his hairline. He’s awake.

Jaebum dreads it, but Youngjae does it nonetheless. It’s too soon if he were to be asked.  
“What now?” Youngjae’s voice is small. He’s exhausted, but also timid.

There are a million things Jaebum could say. He could say “I don’t know.” He could say “Let’s talk about that tomorrow.” But he doesn’t.

He follows the motions of his own hand as if he were hypnotizing himself and says “I love you.”

“Oh...” The hand that had been carding through his hair in barely noticeable small motions stops dead. Jaebum doesn’t want to get up. He doesn’t want to move at all, not even to look at him. Youngjae might be the one with the experience in sex and everything related to it, but Jaebum has always been more easy about feelings.

“I’ve always loved you and I’ve always told you.” He explains. “Like a brother!” Youngjae interrupts him. He sounds both, annoyed and anxious, but Jaebum shrugs. “That was when I didn’t have sex with you. But now I did. If you love someone like a friend or a brother, but then you have sex with them and you also love that… Where do you draw the line?” He means it.

“Usually.” Youngjae speaks very slowly. “People decide if they like someone as a friend or if they want to date them… Like… I think that distinction is kind of… clear?” Jaebum hums in response. “Well I don’t see it.” He states and he means it. “I don’t think that applies to us. To the way our relationship progressed.” It’s Youngjae’s turn to hum in understanding. “Even if we said, rules don’t apply to us. It’s not like we’re in a position to date?”

Jaebum lays his hand down, palm flat against Youngjae’s chest. “I think that’s the perfect position for us.” He can almost see the path laid out for them as he speaks. He envisions it and it looks beautiful. “What I mean is… We’re idols.” Which is painfully obvious and Youngjae shifts a little bit. “We can’t date. We should be over that by now, but thanks to certain people, who’re always like >>Ahgase is our girlfriennnd, here and there.<<” His impression is poor, but it’s not the point. “We’re not really over that line yet. It’s better for everyone if we’re not seen with a girl. But we...” He taps his finger on Youngjae’s chest and then moves it to tap at his own nose. “We can go anywhere together and nobody would care. And we’re still young. It’s years and years until people begin  _expecting_ us to be seen with a girl. And gosh, even more years until we’re supposed to get married or something...”

Youngjae pushes him off at the mention of marriage and Jaebum finds it’s time to prop himself on his elbows and look at him. Insecurity is written in his face. “Years.” He repeats. “Let’s not bother with this now. Society progresses fast nowadays. Times are changing at record speed and who knows how things will be in ten years from now? Why bother? While now we have the chance to just…” He lifts himself even higher, taking in every little detail of the pretty human being below him. “be.”

Youngjae blinks. Then he smiles. “You’re so smart.” He says and Jaebum hears affection in his voice, hoping that it’s not imagination. The look at each other. Jaebum thinks it should be the perfect time to sort out his feelings. To decipher them. And notices that he doesn’t need to. They’re crystal clear.

“Yeah.” It’s Youngjae who finally speaks up again, just as Jaebum’s arms are losing their strength.

Youngjae lifts a hand and cards it through his hair.

“Yes. Let’s just be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this btw entirely based on the premise that I wanted Jaebum to lose his virginity. No more nor less.  
> It's not really the main focus anymore, but... I couldn't leave it out either, because then I would have to write a whole new one under that premise.


End file.
